I did not get into Portland or into University of Louisville. I knew they were tough programs, but that didn't dull the sting much. I heard from one on Thursday and the other on Friday. Those were a rough two days.

I'm pretty well over it and have moved onto other ideas and envisioning potential other futures. I'm considering the school in Connecticut, near Hartford. I would like to get out and visit the area- see if I can imagine myself happy there; at least for a few years.

I'm also considering living and working in Chicago again. Perhaps after a three year vacation, the city I once called home will be new and exciting again. I already know it's filled with lovely friends. And while I was in Korea the last year, lovely friends were sparse. It would be nice to get back to having good friends close to me!

Right now everything is in such chaos. I have a job and a home, with my family. But beside that, I don't have friends here, very little in the way of recreational outlets, and my future is sort of up in the air.

This is certainly not what I had in mind when I left Korea and my love. Of course I had a very idealized picture of what lay ahead of me - friends, family, school... - Being able to join in group festivities/family holidays. Instead, I've found myself just wondering how I ended up back in small town midwestern nowhereness....which is everywhere I had intended NOT to be.

That is not at all to discount the perfect job I've found and my family who very graciously took me in and remain welcoming and supportive while I transition back (this reverse culture shock is pretty rough). The unknowable future and the directionless I feel are just weighing on me- and I'm starting to feel the pressure of it.

- I realize this is kind of intense for my blog. . . I made every effort to not post anything too dramatic of homesick while I was in Korea, for fear of worrying my readers. But now I'm back in the US, so I can be a little more real with you...

In other news, the job goes well. I got my exam results back! I'm extremely proud of my scores.

Child Welfare Specialist Exam: 95%

Permanency Placement Specialty Exam: 92%

Safety and Risk Assessment Exam: 91%

Last week I met two teenage girls who will be my clients (as soon as all my paperwork clears) They liked me! Success! I heard they can be difficult! Tomorrow I meet another client, a six year old boy. I'm still on training wheels, as other caseworkers must be with me while I meet with my clients. But just like the baby bird, I'll be pushed out of the nest soon- on my own, to dive bomb, or to make my wobbly way....

I just finished exams.

I recently accepted a position at the Children's Home Association of Illinois, located in Peoria. But first I need to be licensed. I just took my licensing exam today. Assuming I passed, I will be a "Child Welfare Specialist." Or a caseworker for permanency placement in Foster Care. My job fits in there between children being removed from unfit parents- and either being sent back home after the situation has been remedied or preparing children for adoption.

I imagine it's going to be a tough job, but oh-so-rewarding. I know I'll work with some difficult parents and children and more than likely some disappointing foster parents. However, I think the support and empathy and my genuine desire to help will at least provide comfort to those who need it most- the children.

This job aligns perfectly with my goal of being a Marriage and Family Therapist. So far, I've had one interview with the University of Louisville. That in itself is significant in that they only accept 6 people a year- of about 120 people who applied I was one of 30 that was called for an interview. I still don't know about the status of that interview yet- but I still feel some success in that. I was accepted into a school in Connecticut- however I got the acceptance letter a DAY before classes started (Spring Semester)...so that didn't really amount to much! I'm waiting on the edge of my seat regarding an interview for Portland State University. They said they'll mail out interview letters tomorrow! So I'll at least be able to put an end to the wondering... If I don't get in then there's always Connecticut in the Fall.

I went to Chicago to celebrate my birthday with some friends in January. I'm 28 now. PHEW! Getting closer and closer to 30. That's a scary thought. Where's my house, husband and children? Am I behind?

Other than that, my life is rather dull. This ain't Korea. (by the way, I miss living there).

For those of you that don't already know it, I'm staying with R.C. and Melissa while I wait to hear about graduate school. Just waiting for two more recommendation letters to be sent in and I'm golden as far as applications are concerned. Then I just wait and wait (as patiently as I can) to hear from schools.

In the mean time I'm working at Target. It's not enjoyable working full time in retail. It's hard on my feet, and my back. It's quite a physical job and not very rewarding (monetarily or fulfilling). I have gone in for an interview for a private non profit social services agency. It's a position that would allow me to supervise visits between foster children and their biological families. I should also have the opportunity to mentor some teens, as well. I really hope this pans out. I hope to hear back from them in the next few days regarding a second interview, in which I would meet with the vice president. It's right up my alley of interest and is amazing experience and will help me achieve future goals. I'll let you know how that goes.

I miss Korea. I do. It's been really hard to come back and just wait for things to fall into place. Okay, don't get me wrong. I'm not just waiting. I have worked on and submitted all my applications. I have been working at Target and trying to get back into the habit of working out. But there is a lot of time waiting for schools to make decisions and every day waiting to hear from from a prospective employer feels like weeks. I miss Byoung Ho, but he is planning to come in March or April. So, just more waiting. Today R.C., Melissa and I made a trek to an international grocery store and I bought some kimchi and other delicious Korean treats and I made some Korean food for dinner. It hit the spot. But I think what I miss most about Korea is not worrying about having a job, or what my living situation looked like. I miss having health insurance and a nice paycheck. There's so much to be said for stability-independence.

That said, I have been having a nice time in the US. The Saylers have welcome me and I even get hugs from Russell on a regular basis. That's pretty cool! I'm in the same time zone as my friends and family (give or take 2 hours...instead of 14).

Here are some pictures, to give some life to what I'm trying to describe.

A trip to New York with Mom and Shane for Nancy and Jason's wedding reception.

At the pumpkin patch

Carving pumpkins

Eating Korean food and LIKING IT! Using kids "training" chopsticks.

Thanksgiving Day

Going to Russell and Max's Christmas program at school

Pause for a picture while decorating the Christmas tree...and if you're R.C. - put on a Santa suit ...and stuff it with a pillow.

Merry Christmas everyone! <3

I'm in AMERICA.

I'm in San Francisco, visiting Erin, one of my best friends in the world!

Today I'm going to the Exploratorium and then the Golden Gate Bridge.

I will head to Chicago on the 10th- the go to R.C.'s on the 15th- the 19th is Russell's Bday and then I'm headed to New York for Nan's wedding reception. Then to Kentucky to visit University of Louisville to hear about their MFT program.

Then it's time to buckle down, take the GRE, finalize applications, get a job.

It feels relatively good to be back- A big thanks to Erin and Nate (her husband) for putting me up and helping me out! So far, San Francisco is pretty awesome!

Hope to see everyone soon!

xoxo

One Month Left.

18 teaching days left.

I cried today- I'm so overwhelmed -though some of it I brought on myself.

KBH and I will spend the weekend posting things on public websites- trying to sell everything in my apartment. -Mattress, Fridge, Washing Machine, TV, sofa, and dressers. I'll put them on the expat sites and he'll post them on Korean websites. Doubles my chances. And maybe the Koreans won't need help trying to transport the items.

A million things to do to get ready to move home.

Pension Office. Closing bank accounts. Saying Goodbyes. Packing. Selling. Mailing boxes. Not to mention STILL WORKING!

And mixed in there applying for grad schools. Writing essays. Contacting former bosses and professors for stellar reference letters. Perfecting my resume, studying for the GRE and the MAT (figure I'll take both).

I keep remembering things to do. I really ought to start a list.

It's hard moving overseas- after three years of making one place your home.

But- I gotta hit the ground running or I'll wonder why I left. So looking forward to seeing everyone. I miss you all right now. The homesickness is maybe more tangible now that it's so close (and yet SOOO far away!)

Picture Below: A great night with great friends-My Cambridge Family. People I've come to love and will miss dearly when I've gone. FL-clockwise: KBH, Stefan, Me, Daniel, Jackie, DongHee(Curtis' wife) and Curtis.

KBH and I went camping last weekend. Albeit to say, it was a very "Korean" experience. We left after KBH finished working so we arrived quite late on Saturday night. The "free" campground was completely packed. I mean, tents EVERYWHERE. There are no designated campsites. This was tent spike to tent spike PACKED.

We went to the West Sea, as it's called in Korea- or the Yellow Sea for the rest of you folks. I met KBH at his workplace and it was about a 3 hour drive from the West side of Seoul.

We arrived past midnight and we were both super tired. As we grumpily looked for spots, we decided it was better for us to just sleep in the car. We very carefully found a rather secluded parking spot, facing west so as not to be blinded when the sun came up (I'm the smart one that figured that one out!) We put up some sun - shades in the windows and curled up. In the morning we learned that many of the sites were in fact, not free. We paid 20 bucks to set up the tent. But cold showers were also included! After getting set up and eating some bacon and eggs for breakfast we were ready to hit the beach. It was only about 100 meters or so away from our campsite.

It was low tide and EVERYONE was collecting clams. I also noted that very few people, aside from children wore swimming suits. I mean, I saw a girl swimming in shorts, a t shirt and a HOODIE- for crying out loud. I was the only one wearing a bikini. I asked Byoung Ho why- did it have to do with modesty? But even he seemed a bit befuddled (as he was one of the few men that actually took his shirt off to swim.)

We spent the whole day swimming, taking a break for tanning and laying in the shade tent. We barbequed Mok-Sal which is similar to pork chops for lunch. We took a walk and found some tide pools - and KBH let the inner "little boy" out. We spent a good hour catching crabs and fish (He gave the crabs to real little boys who were collecting them in buckets...) He even caught a big one that snapped his fingers....

Then for dinner we had steak marinated in sesame oil and garlic. Grilled to smokey/charred perfection! with grilled peppers, onions, mushrooms and zucchini. KBH said multiple times it was the most amazing meal!

Monday was Korean Independence Day- so when we woke up we thought we were both so tired we'd just pack up and head home- but when I suggested after breakfast that we take one last walk on the beach, we were so drawn to the ocean that we ran back and put on our suits for one last dip.

It took us three hours to drive down, but because of traffic, it took six hours to drive back. Everyone in Seoul escapes on holiday weekends, but they all have to get back the same day for work the following morning. KBH was smart and listened to traffic news. All of the major highways were backed up more than 50 kilometers. So we took city streets, but at least we were moving. I'm convinced the interstate would have been longer.

It was SO nice to be out of the city for the weekend! You REALLY learn to appreciate a slower pace- when you live in a city as big and crowded as Seoul!

***After I posted this KBH said "Why are there no good ones of me?" So we chose this one together- so you can see how handsome he is! :p

SHANE WAS HERE...